Malfunction

My Uncle is the most level headed, pillar of strength, thrill seeking, go-getter, I’ve ever known.  He’s the guy I’ve turned to when I’ve needed to make major decisions in my life.  He’s always provided sound, unbiased and encouraging advice.  He would always encourage me to own my decisions from a rational position.  He would remind me that it’s my life and no one else’s.  I have always admired his ability to have that inherent strength to live by his own rules.  

I was so thrilled when he met his current wife, Judy.  They met later in life and boy they wasted no time catching up on all the adventures life has to offer.  They retired and found themselves traveling a lot with their dirt toys.  I can’t speak for Judy but Uncle D always loved his cars and to play in the dirt.  Not only did he own a well known mechanic shop, but back in the day he had two funny cars, Malfunction and Malfunction 2.

Side story, when I met Jerrod, he somehow knew about Malfunction.  Jerrod’s always been big into racing and somehow figured out how to help me find a picture of Malfunction to send to my Uncle.  Little did I know when I sent the picture, that it would be the only picture my Uncle would have of that car to date.  

Anyway.  Growing up, Uncle D would take us quad and ATC riding back before ATC’s were banned.  His love for riding never went away and was passed on to me.  Out of all my sisters, I’m the one that continued playing in the dirt and even sought after partners with the same interest.  (That’s another story for another day) After he retired, he and Judy purchased a Polaris RZR and began traveling with a group.  When it would get too hot, they would head towards the mountains as a group for months.  It made me happy to see that he had found true love and was doing what makes him happy.  

Not too long ago, my mom noticed in a picture that he didn’t look too good. She said he looked yellow and his eyes looked odd.  Knowing my mom, I figured she was just being her usual “somethings wrong” self.  I told her it was probably just the picture.  But not long after that discussion, we were met with the news that he has a mass growing on the artery leading from his liver to his heart (I believe) and that he indeed was in bad shape with severe jaundice.  They took a biopsy and despite all our prayers, it turned out to be cancer.  He immediately began treatment and had a port put in him.  

Things have been going ok and he was responding well to the treatment.  He was scheduled to head to Vegas for some tests that would tell us more; however, at the end of that conversation, he informed my mom that it is terminal.  Being that he’s 80, we believe the treatment is to slow down the growth but we’re not 100% sure.  Since that information was passed to us, he’s only grown weaker.  He’s now in the hospital due to a side effect from the treatment that makes his legs so weak that he cannot walk.  

I am at a loss for words.  There are so many unknowns.  I want to be there for them but I know there is nothing I can do to help.  Hearing that he is deteriorating at such a rapid pace terrifies me.  All of this has happened in what feels like overnight.  And poor Judy.  This is now the second time she’s experiencing this.  Once with her first husband and now with Uncle D.  

Time is so precious.  Life goes by so quick.  These stupid bull shit things that we put ourselves and each other through are stupid, petty and unnecessary.  The stressors from work, the idiot who cut us off when driving… none of those things really need to take a front seat.   A situation like this has reminded me that I need to live in the moment.  Take better care of myself, my health, my mind, my heart, my patience.  Life is not going to get easier.  But it’s also reminded me how lonely I am but yet how grateful I am that I am healthy.  I can’t imagine being both sick and alone.  I don’t know what god has planned for me in the love department.  That’s out of my control.  But my health is somewhat in my control.  

I’m praying for my Uncle and Judy.  And I’m protecting and taking care of me, for me.  I am following in his footsteps by making and owning my decisions.  Because I can and I should.