Monday, June 3, 2013

Alone

 First sleepless night here.  My hearts hurting, my mind is confused and my eyes are burning.  Just when I thought I was numb enough to pick my personal life up and move on, my eyes well up with tears.  I lay here, surrounded by pillows realizing that moving away wasn't hard.  Starting a life in a new places wasn't hard, but doing it alone.... That was/ is hard.  I'm too far to go home on the weekends to at least be around people who love and care about me and I'm too new to randomly turn to friends here.  That's the funny thing about Portland.... Everyone is married and has kids and lives.  I refuse to disrupt their routines but then kick myself in the ass for not asking.  So, I turn to the cat who normally pulls me out of my funk except today, I pissed her off and now...I'm being ignored.  It's too late for alcohol so....here I am.  Writing this out, sobbing like a child not wanting to be put to bed.  I lay here, playing back every conversation wondering how we could have had a different outcome.  But it's pointless because I'm here and you're there and you've made it perfectly clear that the distance doesn't warrant anymore time to be invested in me.  I'm sounding needy.  I should return to my attempt to sleep and hope that my heart cuts me some slack and allows me time to get my beauty rest.  Thanks for listening dear blogger site.  

Friday, April 26, 2013

Chapter 1

Month one

So we've had rain and sun, the most amount of heater use I've ever had to use followed by unusually hot weather, stolen wallet, found wallet, promotion and lots and lots of wine....beer.....ok both. I've furnished the entire apartment in damn near a week and managed to transition my previous red, orange and brown style to teal, yellow and grey. Very happy with the outcome.

The weirdest thing for me is going from filling up with gas every 2 1/2 days to every 2 1/2 weeks. Holy savings!!!! Something totally awesome was that I've had coffee bought for me twice in the drive thru. First time... Married man. Flattering? Maybe. Insulting? Did I look poor? Anyway. That was cool. But then the next week some chick bought me coffee. Ok I'm officially concerned but am made aware that sometimes there's a pay it forward thing that Portland does. Who knew. So I confused the lady behind me and bought hers. Woohoo... Good karma.

Pookie has turned into a true Gemini. One minute she's on my lap by her own will and other times, you'd think she on crack. She misses my mom. If she's in the other room and I FaceTime my mom, the little buttnugget comes running in and pretends to be all lovey on camera. She's crazy but I love her. She keeps me sane.... Insane to others I'm sure.

Sleeping has been easier than expected thanks to some bottoms of a few bottles. Ohhhh don't worry.... It's not all at once. LoL. I've been forced to learn how to recycle, cook.... A little bit, how to be independent and sleep when it's just fuzzy and me. We're doing.... Surviving....comfortable. Kind of weird to believe this is my life right now.

Anyway, I get on a plane tomorrow to head to Cali. I'm very excited but true to form for Cali my days are jam packed already. But it's nice to feel the love. Can't wait to see all that I can. Until tomorrow.... Night night